The positive effects of vodka?

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - NASA (Never Are Safe Astronauts) I've been saying it for years...NASA are a bunch of fuck ups. Here's a little equation for you, as n (NASA) approaches infinity, f (failure) will equal n to the power of infinity. I'm not a rocket scientist, and I'm not sure if this equation even makes sense, but Richard Peters (NASA's president) if you are listening, hire competent employees. Even my made up equation makes more sense than all the failures you've been making...NASA is more of a joke now than an agency. When scientists are cackling at you, and it's not because they're mad, there is obviously a problem.

As you may have heard, today, Tuesday, July 12th, the first NASA shuttle launch in 2 years was thwarted because a window cover fell off the shuttle and broke solar tiles. A window cover fell off the shuttle. Fell off...cue cackling of sane scientists here. How many times have we heard about NASA failures in the last 10 years...like that Mars probe thing (the guy forgot to convert english to metric), or the little remote control car that got stuck on the first day, failed satellites, countless space shuttle crashes, mid-air explosions. Maybe the more reasonable thing to do would be to count the successes...hmm the moon landing!! Oh, wait...that was a fake. Yes yes yes...Aeuronautics is tricky business. How many times have we heard about the Cosmonauts hurtling toward the earth at 1000 mph in a giant ball of flame? Never as far as I can remember, hell, they were even going to give The Backstreet Boys a ride a few years back. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Here I sit with an ear infection, not going to the doctor because the doctor costs too much, getting ready to go to school for my 5th year and painfully taking out loans that I'll be paying back till I hit 60, and our precious tax dollars are going towards abstinence programs instead of safe sex education, fighting the wars against aethiests, gay people, and muslims. This makes perfect sense. In my opinion we should up NASA's budget by 200 billion dollars at least next year, maybe they could hire Elton John to permanently work at NASA, inspiring them with a 24 hour live performances of Rocket Man.