The benefits of methamphetamines.

“Your grandmother ate my dog,” laughed an appallingly thin Peter Jackson from a golden throne high atop a pile of hundred dollar bills. At his feet lapping his hairy toes were 2 coked out models from France. “Besson et sacré bleu,” choked the blonde, trying to hold back her gag reflex. Jackson was half smiling, half cowling at the brunette to his left, whose more private areas were covered by green portraits of Benjamin Franklin. “You! Yes, you with the chocolate hair. You’re next,” said Jackson in his Kiwi accent while raising his left foot to her.

Naked Brain News – Mr. Jackson?

Jackson – Yes? One sec. Josephine. Stop! Paré si vou plei.

NBN – We here at the Naked Brain have been noticing you’ve been losing quite a bit of weight. Some speculate it’s from drug abuse. Do you care to respond.

Jackson – Blimey? Are they saying that? Well, it’s true I’ve been dabbling in a bit harder stuff than usual. Back when I was filming Lord of the Rings… well, you know Ian, a.k.a. Gandalf the grey was quite prone to smoking pipe weed. Wink wink. Well after that I met Naomi Watts, she’s going to be in my King Kong movie, and she got me into to ice. You know, white crunch.

NBN – No, I’m afraid I don’t.

Jackson – Crank? Meth. Crystal meth. White cross. Blue belly. Amp. Ya get me?

NBN – Oh… actually things make a lot more sense now.

Jackson – Yeah… you know that and these French… Umm, “ladies.” Is that the appropriate term for them…(leans over and whispers in my ear). Whores. Prostitutes.

NBN – Yes… I think understand. Well you look rather nice I must say.

Jackson – Why thank you for saying so.

NBN – We did get a complaint from Subway’s Jared Fogle however. He said that you’re cheating the system by getting skinny off of drugs, as opposed to sandwiches.

Jackson – Sandwiches?

NBN - You know, freshly oven baked bread with your choice of healthy toppings. Do you care to respond?

Jackson – I mean. Look. These French girls are licking my feet. Do I really need to respond? No. Literally. Look at them. They’re doing it right now, because I told them to, and because I’m feeding their addictions. I really don’t know this Jared Fogle guy, but if it takes drugs to make foreign models lick my hairy ass feet, then I don’t feel guilty at all. Anyway, it’s been nice talking to you but I need to light up now. Cheerio!