Colonel "Slut-face" Sanders

Colonel Sanders is a total slut-face. Anyone disagreeing with this statement has unfortunately been struck by a car, or had their brains eaten by aliens from the planet Xebu. I feel for you, because Sanders openly sleeps with four other franchises (Taco Bell, A&W, Pizza Hut, and Long John Silver’s), and at the same time. In this exclusive interview with Pizza Hut and Long “John” Silver we discover how those sleeping with Colonel “Slut-face” Sanders feel.

Naked Brain News – So Mr. Sliver...

Long John Silver – Arrrgh! Just call me Long John.

NBN – Very well. Long John. How do you feel about the Colonel’s promiscuous nature?

Long John Silver – Arrgh! He always says me tastes like fish. But, secretly I know he likes it. I knew getting into this relationship that the Colonel, you know, slept around. I told myself at first it was fine, and it was for fun and whatnot, but one day, while I was having me a bucket o’ popcorn chicken I found a slice of pepperoni. Sniff, and that’s when everything started to change. He wanted me to find it, he’s sick! He gets off thinking that I know where he’s been. I love him so much!!!!

NBN – Well let’s bring out our next guest, Pizza Hut everybody!

Pizza Hut – !@$% you you piece of !@%#, !@#%, @!#%$.

Long John Silver – Get’s your !$#%@ hands off of me slut! Your dirty !#$@ !#%#@. How dare ya! I loved him.

Pizza Hut – He never loved you, you !#$#@ mother!@$#@$.

Long John Silver – Don’t get up all in my face you pizza making mother!$#@%.

Pizza Hut - !#@$ piece o’ hell o bit! Go !@$# yourself. He !@$# has loved me from the start. Everything was fine until you came along !#@%$.

NBN – Wow! Hold it. Hold it, sit down, calm down.

Long John Silver – Arrrgh! !@#$% dumb !@#%.

NBN – Ok, well we have a special surprise guest. Bring em’ on in.

Audience – Colonel! Colonel! Colonel! Colonel! (clapping).

Colonel Sanders – Yeah. !#% yeah, you know it !##%#@. Ladies. Make love not war. I got plenty o’ drum stick to go around.

We had to censor the rest of the interview, but I will say it involved eating a pizza with chunks of breaded halibut, and lots and lots of gravy.