We're dead.

Separate lightning strikes in Pennsylvania over the weekend injured about a dozen people attending a family reunion and 21 soldiers at a National Guard training center. - CNN

Well, we're fucked. It seems that "religiously" reading the Koran and praying to Ala has finally paid off for Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda. This past Saturday Al Qaeda started their newest form of terrorism. It's called "Durma Ahmed Jihad" which translates roughly to "Terrorism 2: The Vengeance of Lightning". The NSA immediately raised the Terror Alert to Rainbow color, because the highest color on the alert scale, red, doesn't evoke sufficient fear into the American populace that an international terrorist conspiracy of this magnitude requires.

The Bush Administration responded with...shall I dare say, lightning like speed, and initiated a secret project called "The Two Als". Reverends Al Sharptan and Al Green are now summoning the wrath of our righteous Christian god to combat the evil Ala. Rev. Sharptan said Sunday "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse have already been deployed. Don't worry, we're doing a lot more than that though," he laughed. "We are working fanatically on getting God to lend us the power of shooting fireballs from the sky...I mean, it won't make much of a difference anyway though, as the Navy is almost done converting Noah's Ark into the fiercest war ship ever made, and I'm not sure if I'm allowed...I'll just say this, Chariots of Fire." said Rev. Green. Both reverends report they've pretty much been praying nonstop since Saturday. "Worse comes to worse, we still got Gabriel, and a few other angels up our sleeves," concluded Rev. Sharptan with a smile that would make any altar boy blush.