I'm done.

EL MIRAGE, Arizona (AP) - President Bush pledged extensive assistance for victims of Hurrican Katrina on monday. He's also expected to tap into nation's emergency petroleum stockpiles to "help" refineries affected by the storm.

Great. The good thing about this gas crisis is when it's all said and done, not a drop left, we'll feel like we struck texas gold when we find an oil stain in the dirt. That and every back yard will look like a Michael Bay movie while people are blowing up their cars because they can't use them anymore anyway. It really is too bad we can't use bodies to fuel our cars, because it seems like as the death toll and gas prices go up, our oil supply dwindles. It will be nice to have incentive to use alternative energy, and will be awesome that OPEC won't be slapping us with it's enormous cock anymore. It stings I say. Maybe God's own prodigy and Rev. Al Greene can just pray for more oil.

I got a better idea though, let's use science instead and create millions of Tyrannosaurus Rexes, then manipulate their DNA so they have the genetic disease that makes you age faster, like "Jack", or maybe we can just fly around Pterodactyls. That way it'll be like fossil fuel is a renewable resource like trees and meat. Chances are though, OPEC won't just die, they'll just change acronyms. DONE, Dinosaurs Our New Energy.