Hazard! There are dukes about.

BF NOWHERE, Texas (AP) - Willie Nelson has a new movie out. "The Dukes of Hazard," starring (and I use this term loosely) Johnny Knoxville, Sean-William Scott, and a walking pair of legs with boobs whose name slips my mind. However, the country musician turned actor who plays the film's "uncle Jesse" reported Friday he was never aware he was actually in it. "I've been so high for the last..." said Nelson as he started absentmindedly to count his own fingers, "75 years," he looked confused but continued "yeah, 75 years...I think. Anyway, I've been high for a long long long long... where was I again? Oh right. I'm so high right now," and he smiled from ear to ear and giggled a bit. Nelson neglected to realize that he claimed to have been smoking Marijuana for longer than he has actually been alive, the actor is 72. "I'm making a Reggae album," he said and pointed to his Bob Marley t-shirt. When asked about "Dukes of Hazard" and working with Jay Chandrasekhar, the film's director, Willie replied "I was in a movie? I had no idea... I've just been so high for so long...would you like to hear a song." Nelson began to play a Reggae song titled "I Guess I've Come To Live Here" from his new album "Countryman" but halfway through he stopped and fixated intently on a poster of Crispin Glover pinned in the corner of the room. "The devil walks among us," said Nelson nervously. He dropped his guitar and left the interview without a goodbye or a look back. Rumor has it though, that following the success of his recent Reggae album, Nelson plans to cross yet another genre line by collaborating with Snoop Dog on a project titled "Fuck Man, We're Both Stoned Out of Our Minds," which will be released by Empire Records, Summer 2006.

Reviews are pouring in "surprisingly" negative for The Dukes of Hazard, it is currently receiving a 25% approval rating on the "Tomatometer" which is very bad. Some argue however that I should reserve my opinions until after I've seen a film, regardless of how bad reviews are. I would indeed heed this advice, yet I do not, for I fear that after seeing said film I might be driven to commit suicide or sell what little is left of my soul to Crispin Glover to erase the experience from my memory.