Yar Har Mateys!

BILL GATE'S LUNAR BASE, The Moon (AP) - Microsoft said it will give a free copy of its Windows XP to customers who unknowingly bought a counterfeit version of the operating system and who fill out a piracy report, provide proof of purchase and send Microsoft the counterfeit CDs. Customers who cannot provide proof of purchase but file a piracy report will receive a substantial discount on a legitimate version of the operating system, said Tim Prime, a product manager in the Windows client group at Microsoft Canada Co., a subsidiary of the U.S. company.

SECRET ISLAND HIDE OUT, The Caribbean - So there I was, busy hobbling on my peg leg, chasing wenches and whores around Three Tooth Bill's Inn, with a handle of the Caribbean's cheapest Rum in my hand when One Eye Charlie's parrot announced Microsoft Corp. is "cracking" down on piracy. In a state of panic I immediately dropped the bottle of Rum and a handful of Eight Legs Loretta's thigh and ran to my PC to begin burning the hard drive with a candle and emptying the contents of my black powder keg on it. "Squawk! Wait!" shouted Gingerbeak. "Aaarrghh, for what bloody reason have you stopped me blasted bird?" I asked. "Squawk! It seems you won't be needing to destroy your Hard Drive after all," said Gingerbeak, "Microsoft isn't sending in the Yellow Bearded Lawyer's Ship after us or make us walk the plank, they are just going to send you a free legal copy if you mail them your pirated one, squawk! And if you don't have a proof of purchase, they'll make you buy a legal copy for half-price, squawk!" This didn't make sense. "Shiver me timbers," I grunted back at the bird, "you mean to tell me that I will get rewarded with a free legal copy, or will get a discount just for being a pirate? Scurvy dogs! Where's the fun in that?"

It's true, Microsoft is "cracking" down on piracy, and seems to instead of suing us, or throwing us behind bars and executing us like we so justly deserve, they will be letting us trade in the pirated copy if we bought it, and let us by a discounted version of Windows XP if we didn't buy it and don't have any documentation. What I really like about this tactic is it gives stupid people who don't pirate software even less reason to be "righteous" or "moral" or whatever it is they think they are. Victory is at hand. Thank you Mr. Gates. On the other hand of things though, this means when you go to do your Windows update Billy Boy and his gang of droogs will be sniffing around your PC looking for ways to determine if you are using a pirated copy of Windows or not.