Patriot Act Permanent!

THE 9TH CIRCLE OF HELL, Hell (AP)- "Zieg Fien Baz Eigen," reported a uncharacteristically happy Hitler, as he performed a very impressive river dance on Hell's icy lake. Antaeus, one of Hell's resident giants, made the ground shake as he jumped up and down in the air laughing hoarsely. "Actually I've never seen this place get so routy, and between you and me, that's saying something, cuz we have some wild parties" mentioned Judas today in the icy 9th level of Hell as he was being masticated by one of Satan's three giant mouths. "It's colder than hell in here," laughed Satan between taking a large chunk out of Cassius's leg, and sucking Brutus's head like a lollypop. "No, seriously though, I have to admit people aren't usually in the highest of spirits. We are in hell you know, but after this Patriot Act thing today morale went through the roof. Even look at little Adolf over there," he smiled playfully, "...is he river dancing? Yes I do believe he is!"

Light-bulb! Let's protect our citizens by taking away their freedoms! Then how about we name it something ambiguous like...the "If You Don't Like This You Are Gay Act". That way if they don't like it, they will be labeled as gay, and nobody wants to be labeled that, I mean, that's almost worse than being labeled racist these days. No no...too long. Ok, how about "The Patriot Act"? Perfect! That way if people don't like it, they aren't patriotic.

Today is a sad sad day, a day that we'll look back on as the day that "liberty and justice for all," and silly things like the Bill of Rights will seem like some sort of sad joke. The bill passed today makes permanent 14 of 16 provisions in the Patriot Act set to expire next year and extends the two others for another 10 years. So beware you Harry Potter devil worshiping heathens, we are on to you, and one day the lord (a.k.a. the american government) will burn you at the stake like you all deserve. I'm so upset about this I can't really put it down in words.