A Decent Proposal.

NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) - A Kenyan says he offered Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter's hand in marriage five years ago and is still waiting for an answer.

The Associated Press never gets the details right. What was really said was "Yes Bill, hello. I remodeled my kitchen 23 days ago. The soft lime green color I chose specifically to compliment your eyes. However heed my words, as I need a servant girl badly to clean the barn. Also, I have 40 goats, and need to get rid of them, they eat my aluminum can collection and give me sad nightmares about shoe laces that cry. As we are both parched from this extreme Kenyan heat, would you like a glass of fresh milk from one of my 20 cows?" Then I stared blankly at a rock that remarkably resembled Richard Geere. "20 cows, that must be very fine. How about we lather our bodies in the blood of your 40 goats, since you just want to be rid of them anyway. I haven't bathed in goat blood for many many moons now," replied Bill. "A wise suggestion," I said "I have a idea now, for you to hear. You listen to this, let us swim in the goats blood at tonight's dusk, in return, your daughter child will be mine to use at will." Bill quickly caught notice of the Geere stone. "Yes, I would like that stone as well. I will give you my daughter child, she smells of nail clippings, and is always playing games with the cat. This makes me want to become stucco sometimes, and just be spread myself out on a wall. For that she must pay, and servitude is a just punishment," said Bill slowly as he rubbed the Geere Stone on his left ear. "Very well, that intriguing rock can be yours, and your daughter child will be mine," I said, and the deal was set.

All seemed to follow plan, and Chelsea was intended to be sent to me via FedEx within 5 days time. When the large human shaped box arrived however, inside lie only the stone, and a note from Bill. The note said, "Dear. I haven't been able to send Chelsea, as the one who birthed her has took her to the forest for what she ambiguously deemed as training. I have all intentions of locating my daughter child, and all faith that once she is sent to you, the very intriguing stone will be sent back to me. The debt of the goat blood will surely be returned three fold if the daughter child dies or takes her own life before she is found. Many minerals and thoughts of laughter. Yours most likely, me, Bill Clinton, President of the United States of America, and previous owner of a 74 Cadillac which I parked in the Mississippi." Although I was first pleased to hold the very nice stone in my palms again, licking it's rough surface and whispering sweet nothings to myself, and felt that even though it was Bill's idea, the goat blood was well spent, I felt a certain emptiness from not receiving the servant girl I so drastically needed anyway. I wait now, for a reply from Bill, hoping feverishly that the unwanted goat debt isn't repaid, and instead that Chelsea will be FedExed to me promptly with her peculiar smells and all.