I've been doing some major reading.

LISTEN UP MAGGOTS. I DON'T GIVE A GODDAM SHIT WHAT THE HELL YOU'VE BEEN READING PRIVATE CHILDREN!!! NOW GET ON THE GROUND AND READ ME 20 PAGES.

YES SIR MAJOR READING SIR!

I came up with a great idea this morning. In an effort to revive aromas of the Reading Rainbow, we can make a conservative Christian TV program to encourage children to read garbage. Set in the bunkers and sand dunes of Iraq, Major Reading will be forcing and belittling your children into reading books that will teach them strong moral values. Tuesday night Major Reading will be dictating the children a highly recommended short story titled "Fucking Faggots Are Fucking Disgusting". Wednesday is "If You Don't Believe In Christ You Hate Your Country", Thursday is a companion piece to "Fucking Faggots Are Fucking Disgusting", a little novella titled "Aborting Babies Is For Atheists, Commies, and Faggots". The all important Sunday morning spot however, will always be dedicated to the killing terrorists and/or Iraqis, and of course Christian science.

Wait... hold the phone. Did I just say Christian Science? Science? Christian... Science? Yes. Let's take a ride in doctor Peabody's way-way back machine.

Some conservative Christian #1 - I wish there was a way we could legitimize our claims and present them as fact like science does. Whimper.

Some conservative Christian #2 - Yeah. Science sure is smart sometimes.

Some conservative Christian #1 - That's it. Hallelujah! Let's just call ourselves Christian Scientists, that way it seems like we're legitimate.

Some conservative Christian #2 - But isn't science based on facts? I don't know if people are dumb enough to believe in this ploy.

Some conservative Christian #1 - If you don't, you must be an Atheist, a Commie, and an Anti-patriotic Faggot. Oh yeah, and Jesus will hate you.

Some conservative Christian #2 - Hallelujah! I'm a believer. I too am now a Christian scientist. What's that Kevin? You don't believe in the bible? Have you even read it yet? If not how could you judge it? Why do you hate us?

Kevin - True, I've never read it. Though I have heard my share of bible stories. I did see the previews though. Didn't look too good. Michael Bay sucks. I don't hate you for believing in whatever it is you believe, but I don't like those of you who support the politics that try to strip people of their freedoms. Like gay rights, or abortion, or supporting a war like the one that's being fought right now, or calling those who don't support it un-patriotic. People who don't make a distinction between being Christian and being Republican.