Do not attempt to blend.

So, the other day I was in the supermarket, you know, the market where Wolverine, Spiderman, the Flash, and awkwardly enough Steven Hawking shop, and I noticed the National Inquirers headline for this week was “Julia Robert’s Marriage on the Rocks.” I do enjoy trying new things, so I opened it up, and looked inside and there weren’t any directions anywhere. I was kind of upset to be honest, I know I wasn’t planning on buying it anyway, but I really feel bad for those who did unknowingly. So I figured it’s my duty to fill in the magazines gap, and create the drink as I feel it should be made.

Julia Robert’s Marriage on the Rocks

Pour over ice in a margarita size glass

4 oz. cheap white wine (Pretty Woman style)

2 shots cheapest bourbon possible (Erin Brockovich style)

Half a Mikes Hard Lemonade (For reinforcing the gay stereotypes perpetuated in My Best Friends Wedding)

1 shot cheap tequila (For even considering being in a stupid movie like The Mexican)

2 shots of Amaretto (For a couple of the good movies she’s been in like Confessions of A Dangerous Mind and Closer)

A dash of grenadine and a maraschino cherry (for being an infamous redhead)

Slap yourself hard (For making a movie like Mona Lisa Smile), and drink as fast as possible.

If you’re a real sissy you'll probably try and blend it, but I’m not guaranteeing it’s going to taste any good, so you know, blend at your own risk. I’m working on creating a Mike Meyer’s Rum and Coke, among others. I’ll get them to you when they’ve been properly user tested. Remember, drink responsibly and if you drive, do it blindfolded, then they can’t blame the inevitable accident on alcohol, and no one wants a DUI. Trust me, it will work.